Urgh. This girl is absolutely killing it and it is making me hate myself. Initially I was thinking how awesome it would be to either be 5 8" or to have delicate, gamine little thighs that could carry off pale, patterned jeans with aplomb, but come to think of it, what about just having a really fucking huge dog instead? Maybe this whole deal is an optical illusion and this bitch is actually four stone, but either way I am getting a (sartorial) boner, so maybe it's best that I'm not wearing pink, skintight jeans after all.
I still want to dye my hair and I need to raise the money, so I am currently available for a variety of positions ranging from clown to prostitute depending on your budget. I'm afraid of clowns, so I would actually prefer prostitute, although if you're offering enough money I will happily combine the two (insert double-entendre about "gag" as a homonym here). No time-wasters, please.
(Apparently my birthday falls on the same day as "National Steak and Blow-Job day", which is such bullshit. I mean, I don't even like steak.)