Wednesday, 4 February 2009

I GOT 96 TEARS IN 96 EYES

In recent weeks, [REDACTED] has brought it to my attention that the frontman of S.C.U.M has a part-time job in a vintage shop not far from her own workplace. You would think this would please me, but it's actually kind of harshing on my perv, if anything, which is a total fucking bummer. You may recall that I said in a previous post that I would ( as the punchline of some wordplay, you judgemental bastard, I'm not completely classless) "let him [REDACTED]", which seemed hilarious when it was regarding an anonymous figure, but when it concerns an actual, flesh-and-blood person who may or may not be under 18, it goes from "lighthearted innuendo" to "having to tell the police that I am researching for a documentary" pretty fucking fast. You guys know how it is; it's all good old-fashioned letching and then suddenly you hear about him wandering around the high-street on his lunchbreak with a backpack on too tightly and you feel like a total asshole creep. Never humanise them, man. It always ruins it.

Before you put it to me that this whole blog entry is senseless misandry, I put this to you - maybe I am just being incredibly fucking post-modern and neo-feminist about this, huh? Think about that, wise guy! I could justify my relentless female chauvinism by making reference to the fact that their band appears to be named after Valerie Solanas' Society to Cut Up Men, but I won't for three reasons:
#1. Laziness.
#2. A sneaking suspicion that as some of them are barely of GCSE age this could be mere coincidence.
#3. Checking out a teenage boy's arse is not "Postmodern". Who do I think I am, the Richard Prince of skeeviness?

(In case you're not actually, you know, from East London, here are S.C.U.M in action. I normally fucking hate modern music, and admittedly this probably makes me as Shoreditch as it gets, but what can I say? Hand on heart (heart, officer!), I actually dig them. And, all joking aside, they really are fucking [REDACTED].)




5 comments:

fuxsake said...

even though i'm not an east londoner i know s.c.u.m. and i do love them as well.
forget faris rotter. it has come to my attention that he's wearing hawaiian shirts nowadays.
case closed.

Jess said...

Perv away! It's all legit, he's over 18. (Feel free to feel old though - the reason I know that is that he was in the year above me at school, back when his surname was Cohen and not "Vain". Hahaha)

Philippa Snow said...

Cohen? He's JEWISH?

Fuck, I love life.

fuxsake said...

mazeltov!
gotta ask you: where you got that suicide pictureon your blog from?

Jeralyn said...

These guys sound awwwwwwessssssome. You should keep being a perv about em...