Saturday, 24 January 2009


Well, the worst has finally fucking happened - our broadband is up the swanney. You and I are like star-crossed lovers, internet, and "the man" and various other societal conventions are always conspiring against us. Well not anymore, guy, because now I am blogging in the workplace. Yeah, man! Fuck tha po-lice (I had an epic night out at Shunt last night and I'm still smiling, but I'll try and keep up the derision, just for you, because I know that you hate change, God bless you).

I did a terrible thing and bought some shoes with the money I was supposed to be using to, you know, eat this week (I've included a picture of the relevant Gucci boots above as a comparison, but the shoes I bought were actually copies of the sandal. That's right, asshole, I squandered money on a motherfucking sandal in the middle of an arctic city winter, no need to make me feel any stupider than I already do.) If you're wondering why I am always posting pictures from Jak and Jil, it's because that website is pretty much the closest I get to hardcore pornography (other than, say, Anal Twinks 3, which I personally feel is an oft-overlooked classic of modernist cinema) when browsing the web. Eff why eye (fuck, I'm so cute), if anyone is interested in the singular secret of successful dieting, I have cracked it and am willing to share it for a paltry, one-off payment. In fact, you know what? I like you, and I'm willing to share it for nothing except your eternal readership (I am woefully needy and insecure, did I mention that?). Here it goes:

Why not try buying shoes/cigarettes/cocaine/vinyl/delete as appropriate instead of groceries?

(If you need it explained in more detail then I'm afraid you'll have to wait for the Guardian supplement like everyone else. I mean, sure, I like you, but you're not exactly "friend material", you know?)


Anonymous said...

i'm on that diet as well, sister

FOXYMAN said...

haha its the only one that works

Marina said...

it's all part of a well-balanced breakfast/lunch/dinner/late-night

kirsty lee said...

tried it but i just end up stealing all my flatmates food instead.

Anonymous said...

love that lady in the yellow vesture
you always manage to find the most terrific pictures