Monday, 29 December 2008

CAN YOUR PUSSY DO THE POODLE-CUT, BABYDOLL?

So I'm deleting my last two pointless entries and sitting down for a real fucking chat with you, internet, because I just feel like it's been too long, you know? I would hate for you to think that we're growing apart (that and I'm finding it really damn difficult to fall asleep in bed on my own these days, and it was this or pouring myself a pint of red wine, so you can think of yourself as my own personal June Carter-Cash).

Got up at dawn's crack (we're close friends) to get the train to work at Proud on Saturday; discovered that my boss was in hospital with an infected eyeball (I know, right?) and was pretty much left twiddling my thumbs in the gallery all day. Three Japanese-looking American students came in at one point to paw at some sixties Playboy postcards and then asked me if I knew of any good restaurants in Camden; this in and of itself wasn't interesting, but as they left I heard one guy saying "I'd like to see her on one of those postcards!" like a jock from a teen film circa nineteen ninety-fucking-nine, and when I relayed this anecdote to mother dear (who has, against all odds, always harboured the hope of having a Japanese grandchild) she was inconsolable at the thought of such a wasted knocking-up opportunity. Sorry ma!

Incidentally, if anyone is wondering what the best way is to get a wide berth on a busy tube after work, I'd suggest getting on in a leather jacket with a bloody nose. If you saw me and assumed that my nose had been having its own little fucking Columbian salt party this weekend, I'd like to disappoint you by letting you know that the only fun my face has been having this holiday is producing a disgusting range of mucus and bile in various shades. God, I'm sexy. How do you even manage to not touch me?


(Speaking of sexy, this morning I you knowed F's you know with such a degree of skill and aplomb that I successfully aggrivated his heart condition. Dontcha wish your girlfriend was a danger to your cardiovascular health like me? Etc.)

1 comment:

fuxsake said...

wow amazing to see that especially you like my blog since i'm quite fucking stoked on yours!
have a fantastic NYE. xo.