This video - written and recorded by a man critics are calling "The fecal Larry David" and accompanied by the informative and thought-provoking tagline "chris doing a video blog bout a girl that shat in his bed" - illustrates exactly why my stupid, shitless blog will never compete with his diary. You have no idea how fucking sorry I am that I had to use the tag "shit stories" more than once, but seriously? This guy is the Alan Partridge of bowel movements. I was going to write "how does this shit even happen?" but I would hate to have to add "no pun intended!" afterwards like a total asshole, and I already held out on making a punctuation joke using the word "colon" so I might as well keep it classy.
I'm doing the Postcards quiz tomorrow with Chloe, which I would be more confident about were it not for the fact that the last pub quiz we participated in culminated in her writing "Take That" as the response to three consecutive questions, the answer to one of which was later revealed to be the chemical formula O2. A charming Polyvore of unrealistically sized things which you might like to buy for me follows this paragraph, not only because I am a consumerist black-hole but also to distract you from the fact I have spent the better part of this entry encouraging you to watch a man talk about human waste. Viz: